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I am dying of cancer! - My wife

avatar of @bradleyarrow
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I really don't know how many pay attention to the amount of time I spend on Threads. Or on Hive for that matter. But for those of you that do, and I know there are a few, you will know that I basicly have been absent.

I have been, in my head, blaiming it on how busy my life has been lately. Between work and renovations. But in truth I believe that I just have no motivation to pick up my computer or my mobile phone in the evenings. I would rather give my wife my attention even if it is just keeping each other company.

I know some of you know the story of my wife and her cancer battle. I am sure a lot of you don't. But I thought I would write something different today and share. More than likely more for my mental health than anything else.

It now has been 9 years and 3 months since the first diagnose of stage 3 bowel cancer.

Most people will think how great that is, that she had made it this far. And it is great that she is still alive.

It also has been 13 months since her last treatment. As they stopped working.

Let me give you a little history.

After the initial diagnose, as you can imagine. It was a worlewind of emotions, appointments, surgery and chemo.

After bowel resection and chemo 9 plus years ago she went into remission for about a year. On a CT scan they found the bowel cancer had spread to her liver. That led to a liver resection and more chemo. Remission again for about 8 months. Where upon another CT scan they found the bowl cancer in her lungs.

There is a difference between lungs cancer and having cancer in your lungs. Different type of cells. But in the end it has the same effect.

My wife endured over 100 chemo treatments. When they stopped working, as in the tumors kept growing in spite of threatments they switched her over to a biolgic. They helped for about a year.

Now here we are 13 months post any treatment.

Overall it has been a fantastic 13 months. As for her quality of life improved from being off any treatments. But it is changing.

I cannot tell you how many times the doctors and myself have thought it was the end for her but she kept bouncing back.

This time it would seem reality is slapping us in the face. I can see her going down hill. Her energy, her breathing, her sleeping habits. And now her voice is almost gone.

She does have a CT scan tomorrow and should have results in a week or so that will tell us how the cancer is growing. It is a strange in away, we know it is not going to be good, but the human brain still wants to know what is going on.

People know their own bodies. And last evening, the reason I am writing this post, my wife looked at me and told me she was feeling very depressed. Of course I asked why. May seem like a silly question but I meant it as in is there something new going on with her health. Does she feel like things are getting worse.

Her responce and thus my title is that: "I am dying of cancer!".

This tells me that yes in fact she can feel the effects of tumor growth more than she is letting on. They way she spoke those words last evening, even through her horse, almost unhearable, voice. She believes the end is nearing. I hope she is wrong, she thought, and I thought this a few times over the years. But the way she said it last night seemed different.

If you wonder why I am not around as much. It is because time in valuable. Time with the living is valuable. And if I can sit and watch her, talk to her, try to comfort here (I fail at that, I guess most people would). Then that is what I will do.

We have had some blessings over the last 9 plus years. Four grand children. And some great times. But mentally that all goes out the window at times for the person that knows they are dying of cancer.

It is not always easy to post each and everyday with stuff like this going on. But I will do my best to keep at it. I have not missed a day since I joined the blockchain. It is my mental therapy to help my with dealing with my wifes cancer.

Have a great day all. No matter how hard life is. Try and find the positive in it. Maybe I will do a follow up post with all the positive my wife has brought to my life. How she saved me.

And yes, I am Aive and Thriving even through this.

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