Cake made by Isha
Before the Cake, a Few Things to Clear Up
Betrothed: In English, when two young people have been promised to each other in marriage, usually through an agreement between their families, they're called "betrothed". It's more of a pledge between two families than something the couple arranged themselves.
Before I show you the anniversary pictures, I want to clear up a few things. Some people might find it sad that someone is still "betrothed" in this day and age. For me, there's nothing sad about it.
The difference in my case is that I had already thought long and hard about what kind of girl I wanted to marry. My parents chose her, but she matched exactly what I was looking for, so in a way their choice and my choice turned out to be the same.
There was no force on her side either. These days, even girls in the most backward villages can say no, at least in most cases, and she said yes after thinking it through herself. I don't have even one percent doubt about it. Our parents fixed it, but they chose us for each other, and we were both happy and willing.
Why I Still Use the Word "Betrothed"
If everything was by choice, why do I still use this word?
We never had an official mangni (formal engagement ceremony). There was only a "haan" (a "yes") between the two households that the two of us would be married. We're obviously not married yet, and without a ceremony we're not technically fiancés either. In English or Urdu, I've never found a word more accurate for our situation, so "betrothed" it is.
Two Imperfect People, One Honest Match
We're not helpless or forced into anything. I'm also not dishonest with her, and I've never kept her in any misunderstanding. Good or bad, whatever I am, she knows all of it, without any sugar coating.
If there's a perfect match for me in this world, I don't think anyone better than her exists. Finding someone better would be a wonder of the world (I am not looking for any better, for the record). Maybe only the two of us can make it work with each other, because when you carry as many traumas as I do, walking with someone and supporting them to every limit is not easy.
Her Life, Her Choices
As for her job, her freedom and all those other topics, many people on Hive already know I'm a kind person by nature, even though life itself has been pretty tough on me. I'm a Pakistani man, and most Pakistani men don't even think about cooking, yet I made a triple milk cake myself for our anniversary. Many of you already know my cooking from my older posts.
She'll do whatever her heart wants. For now she covers her face, and sometimes she even wears gloves on her hands, but whether she observes parda (veiling) or not is her own choice. She's also a religious scholar.
In Pakistan, a woman working is still seen as a bad thing by most people. "Look at him, living off his wife's money." People will call me namard (not a real man), I know. Let them talk. I know the reality of people by now, and their words don't affect me anymore. My wife will do whatever she wants, as long as it doesn't violate another human being's rights.
Of course, it's not blind support either. If she punches you in the face, I won't blindly take her side. Hahaha.
Meet Isha
After all these random thoughts that were stuck in my head for random reasons, let me tell you her name too. Yes, ji huzoor (yes, sir), her name is Isha.
Now please don't give us nazar (the evil eye). Hahaha.
28 October 2024, 10:20 PM
The funny thing is that I still remember the exact date and time the "haan" happened.
On 28 October 2024, at 10:20 PM, I got a call from her elder sister, and she told me their side had said "haan".
What made it even more special was the speed. Our proposal was accepted within one week, while people usually wait months or even years, and in love marriages there are often even more issues.
Anniversary Fever
This year I was so excited about our anniversary that on 25 October I had a dream about it. In the dream, my sisters and I were eating triple milk cake. That's the level of emotions here. The anniversary was showing up in my dreams days before it arrived.
We never had any function, so this is the one day we have to celebrate, I think.
When the 28th finally came, I was so excited that right after the Fajr (dawn) prayer, I called my future in-laws, told them what a special day it was, and asked them to eat something good. They said they'd get something sweet made for the occasion. Right then I decided that if I got time, I'd make something myself too.
Isha also happily baked a cake herself for her family. That's the one at the top of this post. You can tell just by looking at it how excited she was about the day.
Halwa Puri and Dad's Musharraf Connection
When I told Mom and Dad that today was the day Isha's family said "haan" to our proposal, Dad laughed and said the only reason he remembers his own wedding anniversary is that something related to Musharraf happened on that same date. Only after that did the date stick in his head.
I told him times are changing, and thank God, at least I get to be happy for one day. Humans should keep looking for excuses to be happy.
Then Mom said, "Wow, you remember it! On this happy occasion, treat everyone to a halwa puri (a classic Pakistani breakfast) breakfast today." I said, "Ji huzoor" (yes, ma'am), and breakfast was served. Nobody had to cook breakfast that day, so at least for one day, everyone got a break.
A Throwback: The HE/SHE Cake
I don't have a picture of the breakfast, so instead let me show you the triple milk cake from our first anniversary last year, which I bought from the market.
The triple milk cake I bought for our first anniversary
Look how creative I am. Standing right there in the bakery, I came up with this HE/SHE idea. They only had piping bags in two colours, so instead of writing something the usual way, I explained this HE/SHE design to them. A pat on my back, please, because that design completely changed the look of the cake. Hehehe.
Chai, Nuggets and Rising Expectations
Back to this year. By the evening I had already started making the cake, and everyone at home was getting more and more excited about it. We knew triple milk takes a long time, so as the night came, my sister made chai with nuggets. Call it the pre-food.
Chai and nuggets, the pre-food
Yes, our servings per person are a bit bigger than normal. I've mentioned in older posts that we're from the Butt family (a Kashmiri-origin family name in Pakistan, famous for its love of food), and we eat a lot.
The Main Event: My Triple Milk Cake
And now, the thing you've probably been waiting for since the beginning: my triple milk cake. Today, just enjoy the pictures. I'll share the recipe and the tips I learned while making it in another post.
My homemade triple milk cake
The cake was so good. You've probably noticed my camera is a potato these days. In real life, it tasted a thousand times better than it looks here.
A triple milk cake has to chill for hours, so we ended up eating it at around 2 or 3 AM. By then I was so tired from making it that I'd already fallen asleep. I was so exhausted that I ate the nuggets half asleep.
We often stay awake at random hours anyway. My sister was up making planning documents for her job, Mom was awake as usual, and Dad woke up to use the washroom, so they all woke me up too. For the record, I hadn't woken anyone up specially for the cake in the middle of the night. Hahaha.
When we all finally ate it at midnight, it was totally worth it.
Butts Live to Eat
There's a famous saying about Butt people: "The world eats to live. Butts live to eat."
After all that food and such a heavy cake, we were still hungry, so I ordered burgers for everyone. It was a day to enjoy, after all.
Because a Butt is never full
Song Dedicated to Her on 2nd Anniversary
Over to You
So, how did you like my thoughts, our little celebration, and the triple milk cake I made? And how did you find Isha's cake?
I hope I didn't bore you by pouring out so much from my heart and sharing my whole day with you.
