Whether I am dealing with my partner, my family, my friends, or my co-workers, maintaining boundaries is vital. In fact, it will even help in strengthening relationships and avoiding unhealthy connections.
I have had some experiences in the past that weren't great, and that made me have some personal boundaries relating to people. It's never a bad thing to set healthy boundaries but rather helps in balancing relationships.
For instance, I was with one of my girlfriends the other day at a social event, and suddenly, she said, Nkem, holding my phone already, "let me quickly check something on your phone". Before I could say a word, she snatched my phone from my hands and ran a bit far from where I was seated and was opening whatever she was curious to find out from my phone. That was a boundary she crossed! I stood up and went through her back, took away my phone from her forcefully with a stern warning never to intrude into my privacy.I didn't care how she felt because her attitude was uncalled for.
I had to place a physical restriction on that even when we reconciled, and since then, she never tried it. Oh…I didn't tell you that when I took away my phone from her, she was on a conversation I had with my husband, really…that was my privacy, and I didn't take it lightly with her seeing that she read my conversation with my husband. She used to be my close friend, and I liked her, but then setting boundaries was important because some people lack manners or, better say, overdo things in the name of over-familiarity.
On the other hand, I had a friend who was hospitalized for months. One day she requested that I visit her husband and help cook for him as he doesn't like eating out, and then I should have the food preserved in her freezer. Oh no! Why me again?! Of course I declined such a request without giving it a second thought. Boundaries are important to avoid unhealthy connections. I have my own husband, and I don't see it right going to someone else's husband's house to cook for him, no matter how close we are as friends. I understand that she was very sick, but then I also saw the need to maintain my boundary regardless.
Like I mentioned above, I have experienced lots of issues concerning setting boundaries, and I know it's very important no matter the kind of relationship involved. One of my coworkers, a guy, when I was still in my 9-to-5 job, usually greeted us by hugging, but I politely told him that I preferred a handshake instead. At first he hugged me , and I didn't find it comfortable, so what I did was talk it over with him without hurting him, and we were good afterwards.
Overall, some personal boundaries that I feel are important to uphold in a relationship are material boundaries; no matter how close we are, you don't take my materials to use without asking me for that to receive a yes or no. Physical, communication, and emotional boundaries are also very personal to me, which I uphold very well for a healthy relationship.
Talking about my feelings around independence and togetherness in a relationship, I see both elements as very vital for someone who is intentional about maintaining a healthy relationship. For instance, I love it when my husband respects my goals and dreams in life without interfering negatively; the same thing is applicable to me about him. If we maintain boundaries without interfering with each other's goals in life , then my personal growth is certain, and I will be fulfilled; however, the boundary shouldn't restrict the connection we have; instead, we should keep working together, which will in turn improve our intimacy and connections. Well, I know that finding a balance between independence and togetherness might be difficult, but it's doable.
Feel free to share your thoughts about this subject in the comment section.
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