Sometimes we encounter some unpleasant situations in life that make us sad,tear our hearts apart, and toil our emotions. Such situations usually come unannounced and lead us into an emotional imbalance, and sometimes it takes a long time to overcome the situation, especially for someone who doesn't see the need to seek emotional support.
Death is hard to accept, especially when it happens sooner than we expected. A mom leaving close to my home suddenly lost her husband on the 23rd of December last year, just about two months ago. The body of the husband is still at the mortuary, and it's been intense grief for the wife all along. The grief should ease over time, but it's different in her case. I understand the intense sadness she is going through; the anxiety,the disconnection, etc. make her feel so overwhelmed. I kept visiting her to know how she was coping with her eight children and the arrangements for her husband's burial, but each visit made her cry more. She finds it difficult to control her emotions and keeps saying, "It took me unaware; important things were left unsaid; I am yet to understand his business, nor are my growing kids, and lots more".
Death is scary! I imagined myself in her situation and felt sad even more. She feels that the husband can wake up suddenly at the mortuary to tell her certain things she needs to know, but unfortunately, that is no longer possible. I tried consoling her this afternoon as she expressed her emotions, but I found myself crying along with her, which was quite a pity. She has been a housewife for years without doing anything tangible to give her money. Herself and the children all depended on the husband's income, but suddenly death snatched the husband away from them and created such emptiness and intense grief for the family.
Currently, she finds it difficult to continue feeding her eight children, and as I looked at her, she looked starved and had lost a lot of weight. As much as I assist her to my capacity and a few others around our neighborhood, it can't be enough to sustain her family; rather, it's best for her to sit up and face the reality of life. And so, I suggested to her that she start up a business, perhaps through a loan, instead of staying at home, mourning all day, and feeling her mind filled with negativity. However, she feels that the time is unripe for her to do so.
Her experience so far has taught me life lessons. No one knows when and where death will meet us, and it becomes vital to let your family know everything about you and your finances. This mom feels that she is in the dark; she has no information about her dead husband or her children. It's too late and sad that she is suffering, and maybe the dead husband has an asset somewhere. The bad side is that she doesn't see the need to express her feelings to friends and family. She tries to carry the whole burden alone, and that weighs her down even more. I feel that she needs emotional support, hence my frequent visits. For those of us that still exist on this earth, we still have the opportunity to set things right; not depending on anyone's finances should be a dream come true, and being transparent to our families as much as we can will go a long way in recovering assets if death should come knocking.
The death of a husband, wife, or any of our loved ones can be emotionally devastating. The pain, the emptiness created, and the sadness are usually so difficult to deal with, but I feel that seeking emotional support through friends and family can help ease off the burden and make us feel lighter. However, for most people, the intensity of grief eases over time.
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