A soldier kneels at an airport gate. His little boy is crying into his shoulder. He tries to stay stay strong so nobody sees what he's holding back.
That's the moment "I Don't Wanna Leave" is built on. It's a song about the goodbye nobody wants to say, and about doing your duty anyway.
The story, from the gate to Baghdad
The song moves in the same order a deployment does.
The goodbye. The chorus says it plain: I don't want to go, but I have to. There's nothing I can do about it, and you know it. The post-chorus names why. It's duty.
The question nobody asks out loud. Right before the first verse, he wonders if this is the last hug. He says no. Then he admits he's not sure. Anybody who's been in that spot knows that second line is the honest one.
The flight. Verse 1 is the airport. He wipes the tears off her face while holding back his own, kisses her, turns around, and boards the plane. He smiles real big so she can't see the pain.
The landing. Verse 2 is the long night in the air. Worried, angry, confused, sad, all at once. Then the plane comes down and it hits him. This isn't training anymore.
The mission. Verse 3 lands in Baghdad. He has to switch his mind over to the job. He thinks about telling his little man that Daddy's going to work, and that's when the tears fall. He's on a mission, not sure he's coming back, and not sure why he's fighting. Back home the gas prices are still high and the debate over weapons of mass destruction is still going.
That last verse is where the song stops being only a love song. It's a soldier doing his job while asking the same questions the folks back home were asking.
The prayer in the middle
The bridge drops everything down to a whisper: "If I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take."
Most of us learned that line as kids, from the old bedtime prayer "Now I lay me down to sleep." I put it there on purpose. When a grown man far from home goes back to the first prayer he ever learned, he's handing the outcome to God because he can't control it himself.
Psalm 4:8 says it this way: "I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, LORD, only makest me dwell in safety" (KJV). That's the peace the soldier is reaching for. Not a promise he'll make it home. Peace either way.
The sound
The track opens with nothing but vocal percussion. Boom boom bimp bimp. No instruments, just a mouth and a rhythm, like a soldier keeping time in a quiet barracks.
From there it's a soulful R&B and hip hop blend. The chorus is smooth and sung so it sticks with you. The verses ride the beat like storytelling rap. The bridge goes soft and spoken. Then the chorus comes back twice at the end, because that's how a goodbye works. You keep saying it and you still don't want to go.
Who did you have to leave?
Maybe you were the one boarding the plane. Maybe you were the one at the gate, or the kid who heard "Daddy's going to work" and didn't know what it meant yet.
Tell me your story in the comments. I personally respond to every one. And tag a veteran or a military family who needs to hear this song.
Listen to I Don't Wanna Leave
Learn more about DJ Yo! and my music at https://beacons.ai/djyo
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