Having 'giving' mandated (or heavily influenced) by fairly arbitrary societal holidays feels... off somehow, to me.

This is the thing, isn't it? It no longer becomes a personal decision, it is habit, tradition - automatic.

That said, the issue's never really seemed like a 'hill to die on,' so I'm fine to happily play the holiday-giving game as it seems to bring some measure of joy to others as well as 'keeping the peace' in my own circles.

What I do with this is, randomly buy for these holidays too. Sometimes, my wife goes years without a Valentine's gift, then gets something special and complains - because she didn't get me anything :D

You've taken it a step further though with the risk/reward and economics-based look at even the tiniest decisions.

I find a balance point in reality, but I try to keep my mindset leaning towards frugality first, and then actively moving if I choose.

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