If I were to tell you that one of my biggest fears is becoming famous, you might laugh at me. Why fear what so many people strive to attain? And what makes me think that I am so special that I could be famous?
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First of all, it's not difficult to become famous. If you are different than others and stand out, you are already more than half there. That being said, I am different and I stand out. I am different because I have different opinions and ideas from others and because I've made an effort to have different experiences than others so that I could have a different perspective. I don't care much about being an individual but I feel that our perspectives are so limited by cultural norms that I felt a strong desire to escape those norms. On top of that I've been a a minority for the past 10 years, not only in my location but also in most social interactions.
I've seen what the world looks like through the eyes of those who have everything and those who have nothing, through the majority and the minority, through the inside and through the outside, with and without filters, with fear and with love.
I have passion and ideas. I know that becoming famous would be very easy for me. In fact, if it were what I truly desired, I could think of a few different methods in which I could gain notoriety in a matter of weeks.
But fame is not something I truly desire. I desire to be respected as an active member of a vibrant community, and an ambassador to other communities. More than anything I desire freedom. The idea of people blindly listening to what I have to say is not an attractive one, I'd like to help people discover truths for themselves.
Why fame is/was such a scary thing
Privacy
When you have more eyes on you than others, your privacy disappears. You have more interest in you but less of it is sincere and it becomes hard to tell which is which. You have people with ulterior motives targeting you. Anything you do is subject to become gossip. Everything you do becomes a matter of public record.
Being Spread Thin
You become busy and spread thin. You are forced to choose which people you give your time and attention to and naturally some people will resent you for your lack of attention. Even as someone who isn't famous but who has a variety of friends from different places using different social media and with different lifestyle habits, I already find it difficult to balance my time and attention and show all the people I care about that I do care about them. I mean I haven't really contacted my uncle more than twice in the past 5 years and he's family and totally awesome, forget about friends in different parts of the world who I'm not sure when I'll be able to see again.
Distractions
There is also the issue that all this attention can distract you from what you are trying to do with your time, likely the reason you are famous to begin with. I worry that on top of the distractions I already have, lots more attention will make it harder to write what I am here to write, be it songs or stories, or from working on whatever collaboration I want to work on. Not only does attention distract you by taking up your time and leading you to social media more than focused creativity, it gets you thinking more about how people will interpret what you say, making it more difficult to share something sincere. You are likely to self-censor to avoid drama or misunderstanding, or you might have to face the consequences of someone taking your words out of context or spreading false information about you.
Power Dynamics
The biggest reason I would prefer not to become too famous and avoid the spotlight is because the unnatural power dynamic it creates. Concentrated power draws in more power at the expense of others. Some people will give their power willingly to those who have already achieved a certain level of success, allowing those people to make the decisions, to lead the way even if it's just leading the way to eat at this restaurant or that one. I don't believe in supporting this kind of power dynamic and would like to break it down wherever I can but celebrity, even a small amount, will naturally attract this kind of power dynamic. The reason we feel so intimidated by celebrities isn't because they are super human, it's because they are powerful and that power comes from their fans, the people who have given them such power. Of course it's not a bad thing to be empowered, but this empowerment should be shared more than it is.
Selling Out
There is also the issue of "selling yourself". Once making a living from your passion becomes a viable option, it's hard to avoid engaging in practices that capitalize on the attention others give you. I am strongly against doing this but I know it's likely that if I become well known, even in a small circle, it's likely that I will find myself doing it. I mean, if I want an audience with Russell Brand or Jim Carrey, it'll be much easier to reach them when I have an "audience" of my own, and I'm sure I will take advantage of that because it'd be foolish not to, but the whole dynamic is uncomfortable and unnatural. Truth be told, I've worked hard to remain myself despite all of the restrictions it has put on me, despite all that I've had to give up and I won't feel bad about benefiting from attention. I will need time to search for balance.
Vulnerability
Another point to bring up is the way people of power are watched more carefully for what they say and who they associate. By being connected with certain other outspoken individuals and activists, you become a target for those in power and invite attacks of various kinds. I know of bands who were ruined by record labels for rejecting a deal. I know people who have been arrested for attending protests and being the most well-known person there, in order to send a message. There are those who will try to "debunk" any information or opinions or organizations that don't fit their narratives. This is a bit unsettling to think about, especially as someone with some less than typical perspectives on the world.
Restrictions on Freedom
All of these aspects have the potential to restrict your freedom. A lack of privacy, self-censorship, being associate with others (whether by choice or not) can all restrict your freedom and either cause trouble or lead to self-censorship. I would like to remain independent in my artistic output and everything from expectations from others to threats could get in the way of that.
Why I need to get over my fear of being famous
At this point, I can't even imagine how much I have held myself back. Up until now it's been for the best for sure. My songs are way better than they used to be and so is my writing. I've stalled long enough to become confident and strong in my convictions. I know much more about the world and know more about what to be careful of and understand my strengths and weaknesses better.
But at this point, I'm not accomplishing even a small amount of what I could and it's time to make a change. Am I trying to get famous? Absolutely not. But I am going to try to stop resisting it. If it comes, it comes. I will try to redistribute any power that is given to me to those who lack it, and encourage others not to give their power so blindly, even when it is too my benefit. I might have some new struggles and temptations but I'll work at finding a balance.
Mostly, I just want to be able to focus all of my energy on my passion which is spreading ideas, connecting with people and connecting people, sharing authentic expressions of the human soul, and empowering people. I believe that by overcoming this fear I will be able to reach all the people who are waiting for just the right inspiration to make a change in their lives.
By fame I don't necessarily mean a Lady Gaga level of fame. Famous can also be well-known within a certain demographic or subculture even in a single city.
I'm not sure what overcoming this fear will look like. Perhaps I will start to share my identity on steemit, or share more information about who I am and what I'm doing. The first thing I plan on doing is making my stories on Patreon available to many of the people who I've met in my 3D life. I may choose to do the same thing with my steemit in the future. I'm a little worried about how my family and some of my old classmates will react to my writing and find it a bit troublesome, but so be it. I can't keep living out of fear of consequences. I will still try to filter out some of the trouble, but not at the expense of all the people who could possible understand what I am really all about.
So you might be seeing a belated self-intro post in the future. We will see. What do you think?
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Confessions of the Damaged My fiction @ patreon
-The tree
