Social pressures often come from the culture of the region. For example, in some places there is pressure on young people that they must attend a specific university, that men must behave in a specific way, or that women must dress in an exclusive style. But today I want to talk about a very common one where I live: pressure for married couples to have children.
My wife and I got married after being dating for over a year. After sixteen years of marriage it is usually strange to be seen without children. The most common thing is that a man and a woman decide to live together without getting married because they are just starting a new life. This is most common. Very few couples do family planning, when and how many children to have. So my wife and I don't seem to fit the mold.
The pressure to have children is there from the wedding day itself. Aunts and grandmothers were already asking, "When are you going to give your mother a grandchild?" At that point it was easy to answer, "Later." You know, a lax answer that has no set time. But years later the question takes on a different tone and accentuation, firmer, pressing. And that is compounded by the other people we meet and they are surprised by the years we are together and besides that, they don't have children!
My wife and I have been clear from the beginning about our family planning. Children are not essential to make a family, the two of us are already a family. We want to have them when we want them, even if some people think that there will come a time when we won't be able to. We consider having children a blessing, but it is also a great responsibility and we take it very seriously. That is why we are determined not to give in to the pressure to have children, no matter who the pressure comes from.
Over the years, we have approached this pressure differently. For example, when she was asked why we didn't have children, she would say, "Because we can't." But one day I told her that that's what they are. But one day I told her that it sounded like we had a physical impediment that deprived us of that, when that was not the case. In fact, many responded as if with pity: "Poor things...". So I made him see that there was nothing wrong with answering: "Because we don't want to have them for now". That would sound strange to many, but it would be because of the cultural factor, and it would be closer to reality. So we have been responding that way ever since.
Also, another way of dealing with it has been not to give that issue more importance than it has. So, when we are sometimes pressured about it I usually take it as a joke or respond with something humorous to take the pressure off. Other times we simply ignore the comment and change the subject. But when they insist and try to probe my real opinion, well, I start talking about the cultural factor, the little family planning we have in this part of the world and that two people are already a family. And I do it in such a broad way that this post seems like a sigh compared to everything I say to that person.
Will we get to stand firm all this time? I think it all depends on ourselves. Sometimes there are hormonal changes in one of us that can make us feel a great need to be parents. Also children can come because of carelessness or ineffectiveness in the contraceptive method. So as long as that doesn't happen, we are determined that when we have children it is because we decided to, not because we were pressured. Those who pressure others don't help buy diapers or milk. So it is not worth giving them much importance.
We are sure that we will have the opportunity to raise our children. That if they are planned we are more likely to give them more of our time and quality of life. In the meantime, we very much enjoy the company and affection of our nieces and nephews and our friends' children. And if anyone wants their pressure for us to have children to have an effect, they better have a scholarship ready for 18 years for medical and educational expenses. I'll take care of the rest. See you next time!
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