Before now, my mom used to be my go-to person for everything. Whenever my boyfriend made me cry, I'd call her or go home. When I had issues with my girlfriends, I'd run to her. When I was depressed or having one of my down moments, it was always my mom I turned to. If I got into trouble, I knew I could count on her.
I recall a situation at my previous job where I was informed of a grave issue I was involved in. Immediately, I called my mom and told her everything. While I was at work, I was surprised to see her show up. She didn't leave until she was sure everything was okay and I was safe.
While my mom is my best friend and confidante, I've realized over time that as I grow older, there are certain things I'd rather not share with her. I want to protect her from finding out about certain awkward situations and challenges because I wouldn't want her to feel like she failed me as a mom.
Not only that but I've discovered that there's a gap in our shared mentality. My mom and I have opposing views on certain things. There are things that her African and religious background would consider taboo, but I wouldn't. I'm a modern woman who believes in equity and upholds the female character as strong. My mom, on the other hand, let's say she is more African.
There was a time when my aunt's marriage was facing challenges, and she wanted a divorce. She called my mom to inform her of her husband's behavior and said she wanted to go to the village to inform their kinsmen to return her bride price. Knowing everything my aunt had been through, I was shocked when my mom advised against it, preaching the "for better or for worse" sermon. My aunt got upset and had a little fallout with my mom.
My mom was hurt and felt disrespected by my aunt's words. I consoled her and expressed my disapproval of how my aunt spoke to her. When my mom calmed down, I shared my concerns with her. I asked her why she advised my aunt to stay in the marriage despite all she had suffered. My mom looked at me, and I saw how low her morale was. She took a deep breath and said I wouldn't understand.
I encouraged her to explain, and she told me that in Africa, specifically in Nigeria, it's unheard of for someone to advise or support a woman to leave her marriage. If the woman leaves, the blame would fall on the person who advised her. She ended her explanation by saying that husbands and wives quarrel, but they always settle their differences.
I didn't accept her explanation, but I didn't argue with her either. From then on, I started protecting her from certain aspects of my life.
Remember they say a problem shared is half solved so if I can no longer share everything with my mom, how do I cope with life's burden? Well, It was during that period that I met my best friend, Sharon.
I knew Sharon was someone I wanted to share my life with the moment we had a conversation. Whenever we discussed certain issues, I saw that we shared the same mindset. I tested her on several occasions by sharing things that might warrant judgment, but Sharon never judged me. Instead, she'd help me solve the problem before advising me to do better.
As life progresses, I got two other friends in addition to Sharon: my Takoradi baddie and then a guy. There were certain times when Sharon would be occupied, and I needed to respect that. There were also times when my Takoradi baddie would go off the radar, and I knew that I needed to give her some space. Then, there were certain situations where I would need a man's insight - that's where my bestie comes in.
Moving on; With these three amazing individuals that I share my moments with – my wins, the good, the bad, and he ugly times, I soon discovered that that my challenges are now easier to handle
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