It is normal for humans to be jealous; it is an emotion that everyone has to experience. It happens when someone we care about gives attention to another person or when we feel that someone important to us might be taken away from us. On several occasions people mistake jealousy for love because it always comes from carrying deep feelings about someone. Here comes the big question: do you think that jealousy is a sign of love, or is it a sign of insecurity?
From experience, jealousy comes from both love and insecurity; it all depends on how we express it. When we love someone, it is normal for us to value their presence in our lives. To be honest, we don’t want to lose them; we love and cherish them, and seeing them close to someone else will always make us uncomfortable. Many of us are in relationships. When your partner stops spending time with you and you do that with someone else, you will not feel comfortable; you will start feeling jealous because you love and cherish your partner. That does not mean you are a bad person or your partner doesn't trust you. When I start having issues with jealousy, it turns to control.
When we talk about jealousy, insecurity plays a major role, and it has destroyed many healthy relationships. The problem is not what someone is doing but how we see ourselves. Most times we are afraid that someone we love will start going out with someone else, and that will make us be suspicious of their actions. What they do from their own perspective will start having problems.
Before we know what is happening, they will start comparing themselves with another. You will see the relationship struggling; they will shift their energy on assuming things without evidence. Instead of them protecting the relationship, they end up damaging it.
Without trust, relationships will not be healthy. We need trust in every relationship; if there is no trust, we will feel insecure, and we will constantly monitor one another. Loving someone should not be a bondage; rather, it needs respect, communication, and freedom. If you truly care about someone, you don’t have to control their life down to what they do and the people they talk to all in the name of you. What to keep them close.
For me, jealousy has taught me a lot of things about myself. When I feel jealous, I don’t blame anyone for it; rather, I pause and ask myself a few questions: what exactly am I afraid of? Could it be fear of being replaced, or could it be fear of not being good enough? These questions have really made me have a clearer understanding of what jealousy is all about.
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Jealousy is not all about romantic relationships; a friend can be jealous when their friend is succeeding and they are not. Siblings can be jealous if parents are showing love and care to one person; in every jealousy, it comes from fear of being left behind. I am so grateful that I have learned how to manage my feelings instead of my feelings managing me.
It is normal to feel jealous; love should not require possession or caring about someone, which means that we own the person with trust. We will build a healthy relationship where two people who love themselves do things that interest them, hang out with friends, and still respect the relationship.
I keep telling people that jealousy is not proof of love. True love is not about control we have over another person; rather, it is shown through honesty, trust, communication, and tolerance.
Love should make us feel valued; we should build a relationship built on trust rather than jealousy.
This is my response to the weekly prompt #indiaunited on the topic Jealousy: Love or Insecurity?
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