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This post is only for men, but if there are brave women willing to read through the bitter truth, please do continue reading.
I wish to share observations of a recent wedding service I attended where I saw the most brutal display of the dynamics of family and marriage unfold. The MC created a powerful moment with the audience, asking targeted questions that struck deep into the generic expectations of society.
"Who is responsible for paying the bills? Who makes sure the kids will receive adequate education? Who works tirelessly to provide for the family?" It was a simple, thunderous answer that echoed through the hall - "Dad!"
Then came the telling pivot. "Who deserves a car from their successful, working kids? Who should get to live abroad with their successful kids?" Without skipping a beat, women's voices filled the air - "Mother!" The crowd of women reached their peak at the MC's question of who should die first. "Dad!" they boomed, unfortunately exposing the ugliest societal truth we have always deny.
Let's reflect on this sobering equation. Before marriage, a woman carries four problems while a man carries six. After marriage, the man quickly forgets that he already has six problems , and then mysteriously multiplies his problems to ten because he instantaneously takes on the burdens of the family.
Men continue to be the problem-solver in the grand scheme of life. Everything, from children's education expenses, is dependent on men; Home maintenance depends on men; everything life provides depends on men. Women's roles may have value, but fundamentally, women's roles are support, not the foundation.
The incessant demands on men accelerate the aging process of men which often leads men to an untimely demise due to accumulated stress. So, men must establish impenetrable boundaries, and not allow their partners to force them into excess commitments and indulgent lifestyles to which they are not able to live sustainably.
If you ignore this wisdom, you will have constant family chaos, and if you were to unexpectedly collapse, your widow will continue on miraculously.
By the time children graduate, most men have been fully depleted with little remaining. Years of continuous labor takes its toll on men's health and vitality. At this most vulnerable time of life, do not succumb to your wife pushing you into another long-term stress situation.
If retirement arrives before your children complete their education, keep your retirement savings safe for yourself, it's what you will have to live on after all those years of service.
Keep this in mind: as children grow into adults, women begin to shift their loyalty to them as it is natural, considering them to be your substitute in the family.
With these facts in mind, men should care for themselves first. Be fit, live good lives, and eat right. Excessive stress will kill you prematurely if you don't take precautions.
Things become dangerous in toxic marriages. As you get older, don't create rifts in your home. Try to keep peace with your wife and children. Your active needs by them will lessen over time.
Watch women nurture their spirituality as they age, while men's spirituality often declines. This is another interesting facet of life's elderly chapters.
Men deserve to enjoy their lives while managing responsibilities. Enjoy what you have worked hard for while you are still young enough to eat and drink. Accept the fact that your partner will likely live longer than you, it's genetic and probably could be the difference in time, considering the normal age differences.
She will hang on to complete the "unfinished business," and enjoy keep the rest of the parental dividend.
So while you are young, you need to focus on three things: take care of your children, love your wife well, and take care of yourself. And learn to take frequent breaks in all the chaos. Rest, give yourself a treat. The evening of life can often be primarily hard for men for all the reasons mentioned in this post.
This is more than an advice, this is a survival guide for the modern man. Listen to me, and take this wisdom for the best of your life.
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