You won't know the extent of a broken family until you have experienced one.
[image from my playlist]
Tell me, tell y'all a little story.
Way back when I was still in high school or secondary school, I was a boarder, and in a boarding school, you get what they call visiting day. Where parents come to visit their kids and it was a day filled with anticipation and nerve, some kids would see their parents; of course those were the happy ones, while some won't; it was a day filled with happiness and sadness all together.
Back then, my parents never missed my visiting days. I used to have two friends back then. Angel and Mercy, you see, these friends of mine never really participated in our visiting days because their parents never came. Both had very wealthy parents; I could tell you for a fact that Angel and Mercy never really lacked anything throughout our school days, but yet they envy me the most on that particular day. I didn't have all the wealth in the world, but you see, that particular day my parents showed up with different delicacies to feed the entire school.
I didn't understand my friends back then; whenever I invited them over to come see my parents after we spent time together, Angel always cried afterwards. I used to think back then that she used to cry because her parents never showed up. Angel’s parents separated when she was 10, and she said they used to fight so much that she had to stay with her mother’s younger sister when it was unbearable. Of course her parents were rich and had good jobs, but after the divorce, her mom went abroad leaving her alone with her dad. Her father was a marine engineer, so he was busy most of the time. She said she almost had a younger brother, but something happened and the little guy didn't come again.
Mercy’s mom died after giving birth to her; she would always glance at moms whenever they hugged their kids; you could see the longing in her eyes. Yet I still didn't understand both my friend's pain; I was still young, and life had not taught me anything. Well, that's until my own parents separated.
The first time I heard “Older” by *"Sasha Sloan”**. I think I spent almost an hour in the toilet in my emotions. And then I understood what Angel and Mercy felt because my mom wasn't around any more. I think the separation hit me most because I was depressed for a long time.
Then there was anger, shame, hurt, and feeling unjust. And that is why I could really relate to “A Letter To Everyone Who's Hurt Me” by Chandler Leighton. She was venting her pain, and she actually got her family to listen to her song.
I used to feel there was something wrong with us (myself and my siblings) back then; that's why our parents didn't want us. Accepting the harsh reality wasn't easy back then. I would often wish and pray that we went back to how things were, when we used to be happy even when we didn't have all the wealth in the world. I think this reality actually threw me off balance in my freshman year. My matriculation felt empty because I couldn't have both my parents. And that's when I really understood how much we need our parents' support and how much we need our families by our sides. I saw a lot of families with their kids, and I wished I had that again.
Though I still feel ashamed telling people, “Ah, my parents aren't together,” it's never easy for the children who suffer from the result of a broken home. Angel moved abroad; according to what I heard, she's with her mom. But Mercy had it rough; somehow she had lost her way in-between the harshness of life. She's living a life that I know that if both her parents were there to guide her properly, she wouldn't move in that direction.
What I am trying to say here is that most people from broken homes are mostly afraid; we just don't want to end the way our parents did. For some they don't see marriage as a goal; in fact, love, marriage, and children are out of the picture because there's this fear of “I don't want to repeat my parents mistakes.”.
And you find such reality in Africa’s homes, where you come from a broken home and haven't healed from childhood trauma, but you are told to stick it in; you're not the first to have emerged from a broken home and so go make money. Then what?
After making money, then what?... You just make wealth and you still have your childhood trauma hunting you, and you make a family and repeat the cycle, putting your kids through another form of hell.
I honestly love both the songs of Sasha Sloan and Chandler Leighton; it had really strong emotions; you could tell they were coming from home that wasn't all rose and shine. That's why people like me can easily relate, but I also learned that you shouldn't dwell in past pain for too long because it drains, because that wasn't your mistake, yes! Of course it hurts, but you learn and try to heal and make your own family worth every shot!.
[image from my playlist]
So that your kids can be loved and feel proud because you gave your all as a parent too.
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