Have you ever done your best to be a good person and still ended up asking yourself, “What did I do to deserve this?” if you are a good person, does that be not automatic means that bad thing should not happen to you?
And I think a lot of people have had that moment too.
Sometimes we grow up with this idea that if we are good to people, honest, kind, helpful and respectful, then somehow life will return the same energy to us. At least, that is what we hope.
Honestly, I don't think so. I wish it worked that way, though, I wish being kind to people meant people would always be kind to us. I wish being honest meant nobody would ever lie to us. I wish doing our best meant we would always succeed. But life has a funny way of showing us that things don't always work like that.
You can have a good heart and still get hurt. You can be there for people when they need you, and one day find yourself needing someone who isn't there for you. You can forgive someone, trust them again, and still get disappointed. You can work hard for something and still not get the result you hoped for.
And when these things happen, one of the first questions that comes to mind is, "Why me?" I think most of us have asked that question at some point.
There have been moments when I have wondered why someone who tries to do the right thing still has to go through certain difficulties. It can be frustrating because, somewhere in our minds, we expect life to be fair. We think that if our intentions are good, things should somehow work out in our favour.
But the older I get, the more I realise that being good is not a kind of insurance policy against bad experiences. Bad things can happen to anybody.
What I think our goodness can do, though, is help us decide what we become after those experiences.
You know someone may hurt you so badly, but you don't have to become people who hurt others just because you were hurt. Someone may lie to you, but that doesn't mean you have to throw away your own honesty. Someone may take your kindness for granted, but that doesn't mean kindness itself has become useless.
At the same time, I don't think being a good person means allowing everyone to take advantage of you. We can be good and still have boundaries. We can forgive someone and still decide that we don't want them close to us anymore. We can have a good heart without being available for every kind of treatment.
So, how do we keep going when life gives us things we never asked for?
I think we can start by accepting that we cannot control everything. Some things will happen no matter how careful we are. We can only control how we respond.
We also have to give ourselves permission to be human. Because as a human, we are tend to be tired. Sometimes we will cry, there are time we will need to take a step back. There is nothing wrong with that. Being strong doesn't mean smiling through everything.
Having good people around us also matters. There are times when our own strength is not enough, and that is okay. A simple conversation with a friend, a family member, or someone who genuinely cares can make a difficult situation feel a little lighter.
Most importantly, I don't think we should stop being good just because life has been unfair to us. If we only do good because we expect something good in return, then what happens when things go wrong?
Maybe goodness is not about being protected from life's storms. Maybe it is about knowing who we want to remain when the storm finally comes.
Life will disappoint us sometimes, people will disappoint us. Things won't always go according to plan. But we can still choose kindness, we can still choose honesty, we can still choose to get back up.
We may not have control over everything that happens to us, but we have some control over what those experiences turn us into and for me, that is one reason worth holding on to.
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