I was scrolling through my phone when I came across a story that reminded me of my aunt's experience, and honestly, it got me thinking.
My mother's elder sister got married through an arranged marriage. Back then, their parents didn't really believe much in marrying for love. Once a man was considered responsible and came from a good family, that was enough.
Unfortunately, my aunt didn't have an easy marriage. She lost three children consecutively. In those days, hospitals weren't easily accessible, so women mostly depended on traditional midwives or gave birth at home. I can only imagine how painful it must have been for her.
Instead of standing by his wife during such a difficult period, her husband started having an affair with their housemaid. Things got even worse when my aunt discovered that the maid was pregnant for her husband.
Surprisingly, my aunt didn't fight her or send her away. She actually arranged for her husband to marry the maid, and they started living together.
But the moment the maid gave birth to a healthy baby boy, everything changed. My aunt's treatment in the house became different, and she eventually became an outsider in her own home. She couldn't take it anymore and returned to her father's house.
Imagine allowing another woman into your marriage only to end up being pushed out of your own home.
About a year later, her husband came begging her to return. Somehow, they got back together, and my aunt became pregnant again. This time, she stayed at her father's house and gave birth to a healthy baby boy.
She eventually returned to her husband's house, but the rivalry between the two women was something else. My aunt later had five healthy children, four boys and a girl, while the other woman had just one child.
Whenever I remember this story, I keep wondering why women are sometimes expected to tolerate so much just to keep a marriage.
What bothers me most about this story is how my aunt's kindness was taken for granted. She accommodated a situation that could have broken many women, yet she was eventually pushed out of her own home.
Seriously, I wouldn't say I hate polygamy, but I know it is not something I want for myself. And this is not because I think every polygamous marriage must fail. I simply know what I want from my marriage, and sharing my husband with another woman is not part of that picture.
I have always believed that being a good wife doesn't mean you should tolerate everything. Being understanding doesn't mean you should allow people to take you for granted. Being patient doesn't mean you should keep sacrificing your happiness just to prove that you can endure anything.
I love my husband, but I also love myself. If a man decides to cheat, I believe he has already made a choice that can change the foundation of the relationship. I am not going to compete with another woman for a position I already occupied before she came along.
If you have found someone else, you are free to go. But don't expect me to welcome another woman into my marriage and pretend that everything is perfectly fine while I slowly lose myself.
I would rather walk away with my peace than remain in a marriage where I have to constantly fight for my place. Marriage should be a place of love, companionship, security, and mutual respect, not a competition between women over one man's attention.
And one thing I have learned from my aunt's story is to never allow the fear of losing something to make me lose myself.
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