Sometimes, I wonder what has happened to the way we love and relate with one another. These days, it feels like love is becoming more about what someone has to offer than who that person really is. Before people get close to you, they want to know what you have, what you can do for them, how much you earn, or what they stand to gain from having you in their lives.
But is that really how things ought to be? love is not supposed to depend on what someone can provide or has the meaning of love change. Must a person have money, connections, or something valuable to offer before they can be genuinely loved and appreciated?
Don't get me wrong, I understand that relationships require effort, responsibility, and commitment. Nobody wants to be with someone who refuses to make an effort or take responsibility for their life. There is nothing wrong with wanting a partner who is hardworking, supportive, and financially responsible. But I think we are slowly getting to a point where these expectations are beginning to overshadow the actual meaning of love.
What happened to loving someone because of their heart, their character, and the kind of person they are. What happened to standing by someone, encouraging them, and growing together even when things are not going as planned?
Life is unpredictable. Someone who is doing well financially today might find themselves struggling tomorrow. A person who can afford to provide almost everything today might wake up one day needing help from the same people they once supported. Does that mean they should suddenly become less deserving of love and respect?
I believe genuine love should be able to survive difficult seasons. It doesn't mean we should encourage laziness, tolerate bad behaviour, or allow one person to carry the entire responsibility in a relationship. Rather, it means understanding that life is not always going to be rosy and that people deserve love even when they are not at their best.
So, bring back genuine love and reduce these selfish and transactional relationships I think it starts with us. We need to learn to look beyond what people have and pay more attention to who they are. Money is important, physical attraction matters, and having certain standards is perfectly fine, but none of these should be the only reasons we choose to love someone.
We also need to stop approaching every relationship with the mindset of what we stand to gain. Not every friendship has to come with connections, and not every act of kindness should have an expectation attached to it. Sometimes, it should be enough to show up for someone simply because we care.
We must learn to give the kind of love we constantly demand from others. We complain about people being selfish, yet sometimes we also measure our relationships by personal benefits. We want people to understand us, support us, and stand by us, but are we willing to do the same when they have nothing to offer?
Most importantly, we need to understand that genuine love is not about one person giving while the other keeps receiving. Both people should be willing to contribute, make sacrifices, communicate, and grow together. The contributions may not always be equal, especially during difficult times, but there should be a genuine willingness from both sides.
I know love alone cannot pay bills or solve every problem, because I know that is what people will say and I'm not suggesting that people should ignore their needs just to prove they love someone. But there is a difference between wanting a responsible partner and treating someone like an investment that must constantly yield returns.
I think we all want to be loved for who we are, not just for what we can provide. We want to feel valued even when life is not going according to plan. Perhaps the change we desire in our relationships has to begin with the way we see and treat people.
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