Seriously, mere looking at this prompt really got me thinking and honestly, I have come to realize that there is a difference between the people who genuinely care about you and those who only remember you when they need something.
I know I have people in my life who genuinely care about me. These are the people who can call me without needing anything. Sometimes they just want to know how I am doing. Sometimes we talk about random things, laugh, or just catch up. I appreciate those kinds of relationships because I don't feel like I always have to be useful to them.
Then there are the other kinds of relationships. There is a lady I used to call a friend. At some point, I started noticing something about our friendship. If she needed my help, she would call or message me. But if she didn't need anything from me, I hardly heard from her.
She would not call just to ask, "How are you doing?" There was always a reason behind the call, and most of the time that reason was a favour.
At first, I didn't really pay attention to it. I thought maybe that was just how she was. I also didn't mind helping because I genuinely thought I was helping a friend.
But after a while, I started asking myself a simple question, If I stopped doing things for her, would she still remember me That question stayed with me.
And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was putting more effort into the friendship than she was. I was available when she needed me, but she wasn't really available when I needed someone. So, I slowly stopped putting so much effort into the friendship.
I didn't have a big argument with her. I didn't send a long message explaining everything. I just stepped back. Sometimes you don't need to fight with people or prove a point. Sometimes you simply need to observe the relationship and decide how much of yourself you are willing to keep giving. For me, there is a huge difference between someone needing your help and someone valuing you.
Of course, friends will need each other. There is nothing wrong with asking a friend for help. We all need people sometimes. The problem is when that becomes the only reason someone remembers you. I don't want to be someone's friend simply because I am useful to them.
I want people in my life who can call me when they have nothing to ask for. People who can say, "I haven't heard from you in a while. How are you?" People who are interested in me as a person, not just in what I can provide.
And I also have to ask myself the same question. Am I checking on people because I genuinely care about them, or only because I need something from them?
I think relationships should have some kind of balance. It doesn't have to be 50/50 all the time because life happens. Sometimes one person will give more, and sometimes the other person will need more. But over time, there should still be some genuine care coming from both sides.
One thing I have learned is that being needed is not the same as being loved or valued. Someone can need you and still not really care about you. And sometimes the people you think don't need you are actually the ones who care about you the most.
So now, I pay more attention to actions. Who checks on me? Who remembers me when they don't need anything? Who is happy to hear from me even when there is nothing to gain?Those are the relationships I value.
I would rather have a few people who genuinely care about me than many people who only remember me when they need a favour. I don't want to be valued because of what I can do. I want to be valued simply because I am me.
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