“I will never let my children suffer”
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I hear people say this all the time. Yes, no parent would like to see their children suffer, especially while they are still alive. But there are different sides to such a declaration.
Does it mean you would provide literally everything for your children?
Are you going to do all the hard work for your kids to enjoy an easy life?
What is your definition of suffering?
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The truth is, no one can predict these things. That kind of thinking is indicative of a poverty mentality.
My dad used to say that. But he didn’t see the hardship of latter days coming. My Dad gave us everything we needed as children. Of all the kids in the compound where we lived in Lagos, I and my two siblings had the “softest” life. We wore the finest clothes and the latest designers. I remember when Kito sandals were reigning amongst kids. My Dad was the first in that vicinity to get it for us. Then Tupac's All Eyes On Me T shirts and shorts came out. I was the first kid to ever wear that designer's outfit in that area.
You see, the irony is that while my Dad was busy himself trying to provide us with a soft life, we, his children were learning to mingle with street kids because my Dad was not always at home, and my Mom was estranged from us. So while the man was working his ass off to give us “everything”, we were living and learning a hard life from other kids in the streets.
Some women in our compound thought we were fortunate to have a father who provided us with everything but didn't know that we were unfortunate not to have our parents around most of the time.
Somehow, that street life prepared us for the coming years when things wouldn't go as planned for my Dad anymore. We were dispersed to various locations to live with one uncle or aunty or another. With these new guardians we saw life differently, and thanks to our *street” exposure, we were able to bear whatever hardship we faced.
I think it's just sentiments for parents to want to shield their children from the realities of life. That life wasn't easy for you was never your doing nor your parent's fault. Life was just tough. And to think that your parents didn't work hard to give you the best is erroneous thinking. They did their best. Some of our grandparents didn't have the kind of luxury of education, and exposure we have today. They did their best.
I won't give my children a soft life. I don't believe in that. Life is real, and children should be made to know so. I can't feed my children junk food, spoil them with gadgets and freedom, or pamper them with pocket money and call that “soft life”. No.
They must understand my role as Father. I am not there to answer to their every whim. Besides, children have their own challenges too and they should be thought how to handle them. I am not ready to raise soft and lazy children all in the name of trying to be a nice dad who gives his children all they want. Once you come of age as a child, you learn the rules. From age 7 all my kids are made aware that life is a ups and downs thing. You have to be smart, hardworking and strong. They'll learn responsibility early enough. I'll let them know that actions have consequences, and I won't always be there to shield them from the consequences of their actions. So they must learn to weigh their thoughts before translating them into actions.
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I will be proud, as a father, if my children start displaying acts of responsibility and maturity early enough. There is no soft life, there's only life. Life has ups and downs that only propell us forward towards stability. You just have to focus, and make good decisions.
This post is in response to the #hivelearners contest topic: Say No To Challenges
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