There's this saying that when an animal's back itches it, it goes to a tree to scratch it but when same happens to a man, he calls on a brother to help him scratch it
It is a natural tendency for humans to seek help when they have itchy backs - needs, problems or challenges. No one has it all, we all need help at some point in our lives.
Although helping or assisting someone in need is a good thing to do, that doesn't make it duty bound and a must. Our people usually say ọnụrụ ube nwanne agbaala ọsọ meaning that one should not turn deaf ears to the cries of a brother in need, but I think that there are times one should actually turn the damn deaf ears, I'm being serious here, hehehehe.
When To Draw The Line
Drawing a line to helping someone doesn't mean you're being selfish or uncaring, not at all, rather it simply means you're taking care of yourself so that you can better care for others. After all, self-care is just as important as helping others.
We all know that there's this joy and fulfillment that come with lending a helping hands to others. But such acts can equally cause us pains or rob us of some important things.
So at any point you notice that helping someone is causing you to neglect your own responsibilities or well-being, just know that it's time to reconsider doing so.
For example, if you're constantly late for work or missing important appointments or even running your account down because you're helping others, that's a very clear sign to set some boundaries. You can't continue to displease yourself just to answer a good person, no way.
Another situation that can warrant drawing the line is when the person you're helping is taking advantage of your kindness or generosity.
For example, if they always expect you to lend them money or do favors for them, but never reciprocate or show gratitude. There are some persons whose attitudes make them undeserving of help. In fact such persons reek of ingratitude and entitlement mentally. Some too, would always come to you for help but when it's their turn to help, they bring up excuses.
You know in a workplace, there are some colleagues who pally very well. I have one, a male. He has a habit of borrowing money and each time he asks, I always give him. But before he pays back, I'll have to disturb him tire. There was a time I lent him some money and forgot about it. It was after he came asking again that I remembered he hasn't repaid the former one so I asked him to do so but he insisted that he already did. In fact he quoted a date and time, which I was sure weren't true. He even said that's how I always make him pay back twice. I felt shock that he could accuse me of such and angry that I forgot collecting the money before then. Well I let him be. After some time, seeing that everything has died down, he asked again but I bluntly told him I'm done lending him money. I can't be fooled again.
Also when the help is having a negative impact on your mental or physical health, such as causing stress, exhaustion, or burnout, please and please put a stop to it.
You need yourself in one piece to be able to render that needed help. Don't go and kill yourself for help oo because when the chips are down, that person you were trying to help may take off. Just like one guy on Facebook usually writes "Be wise, don't be unwise", lol.
Lastly, when the person's behavior is becoming toxic or abusive, whether it's emotional, physical, or verbal.
Some people employ emotional blackmail when asking for help. They will quote all the portions in the Bible where we were admonished to help, especially this popular one "givers never lack", just to make you give in without a care of your disposition. That's the height of selfishness. These set of people are what we call "mmadụ bụ ogbenye bụrụkwa amusu", literally meaning a wretched leech.
For The Wraps
The decision to set boundaries and say "no" to someone who needs our help can be tough, especially when it conflicts with our instinct to assist others. But ultimately, it's important to prioritize our own well-being and not over-extend ourselves.
Also people should understand that getting help from others is only but a privilege and not a right. No one owes you anything and if someone decides to help, no matter how little, be grateful. You may not know what the person sacrificed to do so.
I appreciate your time here, please visit again.
This is my response to Hivenaija Weekly Prompt #67
Still the #threadsaddict 😂
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