After writing that title, I'm thinking if what I'm about sharing might mean I'm breaking the Sibling code I have with my brother. I hope not because even that isn't stopping me from expressing myself on this thought provoking question and I know this is for the best too.
The question?
Have there ever been a point in your life that you looked at yourself and said; "I need to stop telling him/her what to do".
In my case, I've had such a time so many times with one person and that is my younger brother (a sibling). But I'd like to add that, I only say that when I have a better plan on how to go about the situation at hand at that time.
As the eldest child and daughter of my family with no mother around, I'm forced into the responsibility of taking care of my younger siblings in giving them a good example to follow, helping them make good decisions and most importantly, be themselves as far as they can.
Sticking to rules strictly? I have no such thing for them as their eldest sibling and so there's always the freewill and letting them see for themselves what is good for them. Like I've said in a comment on a friend's post, I think it is best to let people make some mistakes for them to learn from and not always correcting them in hopes of being perfect from themselves.
I never got the chance to have an elder brother or sibling, I never had the chance to be guided by my mum growing up and I had to bear with my dad's own way of correcting his kids. It can only make sense that I'd have my dad's kinda approach when I have to keep my younger siblings in check but I had to learn my own way at some point.
I didn't just tell myself to stop telling him what to do, a series of actions led to it and one of them was his outburst when I tried to tell him off on something he seem to get wrong all the time.
Yeah, I am referring to my younger brother as this gives me more concern... His attitude of wanting to do things for himself and not being told to do it. I mean, I don't see anything wrong in that at all and he's a big guy, could make great decisions for himself as he does in a lot of other situations.
But there's one that is a bother for me, which I can't share in detail here, that I wish he'd use some advices from others even if he decides not to take mine. Still, he never listens or should I say, he listens but still goes ahead to do what he has in mind.
At that point, I decided I was going to stop telling him what to do. It sounded like the perfect approach as I began to feel that my manner of correction might have been the problem. Or maybe it is obvious, he doesn't want to change from it and thinks he's right about it no matter what others say that are against it.
Well, I said that to myself because I wanted to try to be in his shoes and get to think from his angle why he is seeing a right in the wrongs I see. Of course, I could have seen the whole thing from a wrong perspective and so, taking a step back to stop telling him was a good choice.
This doesn't mean, I won't try to correct him or help him out when I know he is heading on a wrong direction again... Not by force but simply telling him in a way of suggestion. How do I go about this?
I make him understand that he's got his own freewill and God Almighty to guide him do what's good for himself and those around him, then I help him build some confidence for himself and when I must correct him, I bring it up in a form of suggestion in love and laughter. Yeah, I joke about a lot of things I would want him to take a cue and learn from.
Is this effective enough? To an extent, it is but not in all cases and I think it's better than doing nothing and letting him be (in a general case, letting things happen anyhow they want to).
I'll stop here and give room for any more thoughts you may have on this after reading, also let me know what you think about my giving up strategy.
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