Sometimes, marriage can be complicated, and it's even more complicated when you have to deal with children from a previous relationship. I am married already, and thankfully, I am not dealing with stepchildren but only my biological children. However, I am a stepchild to my stepmom, and the experience with her all through my childhood age till adulthood hasn't been a pleasant one. If I am to be single again, considering marrying someone with children is a complicated decision that I need to think through before saying yes to such a commitment. Being a stepmother to a child or children can actually be a good thing to support the child, but I must admit that dealing with step parenting complexities can be a difficult task.
Like I mentioned above, I am a stepchild to my stepmother, although my mom is still alive. Dad tried many years to give birth with my stepmother without success before he decided to take a second wife. When he married my mom, mom started giving birth to my siblings and me. According to mom, my stepmother was happy with us and was supporting my mom in taking care of us, but along the line, she changed and started becoming aggressive. This issue of aggressiveness started when we were growing already. I can vividly remember how my stepmother will always punish my siblings and me as if we are thieves. Strange kind of punishment. She could lock us outside the gate at night for just a simple mistake at home. Many times, she would use rope to tie us like a bunch of firewood and keep flogging us until she was tired. When mom wants to confront her, she will fight my mom, just like my dad. My house became so toxic to live in. I hate to remember those years because the experience with my stepmother wasn't a pleasant one. Even now that we are adults, we still care for her, but that hatred is still in her, but I understand such feelings. At a point, I exhausted every idea in me to always make her happy as my stepmother.
Now to answer this prompt question, when it comes to relationships, I wouldn't want anything to serve as a barrier to the connection that is supposed to exit between my partner and me. Of course I am a human with emotions, and as much as it's a good thing to play the role of a stepmother to a child, there are factors I will consider first. Now, there are many things that can make a man lose his wife; it could be terminal disease and maybe the wife died after birthing; it could be divorce when the marriage isn't working out; it could also be as a result of an accident.
Personally, the only thing that will make me consider marrying a man with children from his previous marriage is if the wife is late. As long as the wife is alive and living somewhere else, I won't say yes to such a commitment because, in the long run, there could be complications from the biological mother and from the children. In fact, I have cases of that with some of my relatives, and I don't have strength for such complications. If the man values me a lot and respects me, I can say yes to marrying him only if the mother of the child or children is late. This is my own view, and of course there will be open discussion and boundaries between the children and my potential husband. Accepting such responsibility means that I will treat the children just like my own, but they must understand that respecting me is vital. I don't know about others, but personally, this is the only condition I can accept to marry someone with a child or children from previous marriage.
Wrapping up, everyone obviously will have a different view on this subject. It is completely a matter of the heart, which involves careful thought, as becoming a stepparent isn't a soft task. Kindly share your thoughts with me in the comment section.
This is my response to the hive Ghana weekly prompt. To get involved, click here
Posted Using InLeo Alpha
