Hello everyone, how are you? I hope you're all doing well. Today, I failed to get my scholarship. This year, I applied for three scholarships and didn't get through to any of them. I had high hopes of getting through. For the past two days, I've been contemplating what went wrong. I congratulated those who were successful.
Did I cry? Of course, I did, but it didn't last long. Just a day. Long before I started this journey, I had a strong feeling of worry that I would slip back into depression. I tried to apply for scholarships while I was in the midst of a very deep depression. I was worried I would collapse again like before.
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But, it turns out, today I'm fine. I can congratulate those who were successful, and I think I need to prepare thoroughly. Especially, I need an English certificate. This year, when I started all this, I thought an English certificate wasn't really necessary because the scholarship requirements didn't include one.
I didn't fall back down, and the thing I'm most grateful for today is that I had the courage to try everything. Even though my dreams seemed so far away, I dared to take action and take them one step at a time. Previously, I didn't dare start. I always stayed in my comfort zone.
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After some reflection, I evaluated my documents, especially my intended major and my big dreams. I also realized that those two things weren't aligned when I applied for the scholarship. This is another thing I'm grateful for.
I was still given time to review all my documents. This month, I took an English course to improve my English. I also considered coaching with mentors at several educational institutions.
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It turns out, after going through it all, it wasn't so bad. I'm still myself. I can still live my life. Meeting my friends and my work hasn't been too disrupted. I feel happy to have gotten through this phase. I also realize that my depressive phase is over.
Today, I'm putting my life back together. Reorganizing what I want and pursuing it. Most importantly, I've found myself again. That's all I can share. What do you think? Has this ever happened to you?
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Nurdiani Latifah
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