Humans are diverse beings. We were created the same way, obviously, but with so many differences in terms of personality, character, and more. I once read a tweet that said human personality and character are shaped by the environment in which they grow up. And that environment is mostly their home. I agreed with the tweet, but still, I've seen situations in which a person behaves very differently from their household. Could it be that such a person was treated differently from others?
Growing up, I was the kind of child who didn't pay attention to the diversity in people. I didn't understand that our actions are based on how differently opinionated we all are. This was very detrimental to my mental health because I always found myself drained in the process of trying to make another person see why they should or shouldn't do something.
Now, looking at it, I can see that my attitude itself was not that nice. It could be seen as always wanting things to go my own way.
The greatest lesson I've learnt from my past is to let people be. Avoid unnecessary arguments and choose silence over violence.
Last year, I got into a heated argument with someone I lent money to. The money was meant for my own needs, and she promised to return it "as soon as possible." But days turned into weeks, weeks into months. I expected her to explain why she hadn't kept her promise, but she remained silent until I asked her. The response she gave me sparked a serious argument, leading us to shout at each other. In truth, I regretted the situation immediately but continued nonetheless. I never enjoyed loud arguments; I found them embarrassing then and still do today.
A few weeks later, my friend repaid me by throwing the money at me, sparking another argument, though this time it was not as loud. Months later, she apologised and asked to borrow more money, promising to repay this time without issues. I refused and told her I didn't have it.
That marked the end of our friendship. We aren't enemies; we still talk and exchange pleasantries if we come across each other.
Upon reflection on that encounter, I realised there were better ways to handle the situation. The optimal choice would have been to walk away from the argument at the very start. I observed that she was already upset even before our conversation began. Perhaps she was frustrated with herself for not being able to repay or with me for advising her when she already knew what to do. Regardless, she seemed like a ticking time bomb, ready to explode over anything, no matter how trivial.
I've encountered many similar individuals and have learnt to remain silent, avoiding being the trigger for their outbursts. This approach has proven beneficial. It has positioned me ahead of my opponents in terms of intelligence and, most importantly, has brought me happiness and undisturbed peace of mind.
This strategy has also helped me maintain relationships with such individuals, as they often return to apologise a day or two later. While our closeness may not be the same as before the incident, we wouldn't in any way be at loggerheads, and that is very healthy.
Achieving this was significant for me because forming it into a habit wasn't a walk in the park. It required patience, endurance, and a deep understanding that people vary in their ways of expressing emotions. I shouldn't be quick to judge them but rather learn to either handle or avoid such situations.
Steering clear of arguments can be challenging, especially when the other person is unwilling to listen or understand your perspective. They keep provoking you to respond with the same intensity. The key realisation is that no good arises from such arguments, and the best course of action is to remain silent. Silence isn't a sign of weakness; it doesn't imply a lack of ability to assert oneself. I view it as a display of strength, as it demands wisdom, patience, and endurance. It demonstrates control over my emotions.
These insights are gleaned from my own experiences and those of others. I don't blame myself for those actions, and you shouldn't blame yourself too if you look back and frown at your past actions or decisions. Hindsight is always 20/20. The positive aspect is that you've learnt from those experiences, and that's what truly matters.
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