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Fear is a powerful emotion; it can linger long after the original cause. It is a reaction to something, yet even after the threat is no more, it leaves something like a fingerprint in the mind. You still find yourself reacting physically long after in your everyday life. Affecting what you eat, where you go, what road you take, and even how you act in such situations. For years now, I have lived with an irrational Phobia that has eaten deeply into my life, having missed out on the sweetness of eating fish, the nutrients it embodies and the vitalization it gives to my body. This didn’t come from a traumatic experience or a near-death experience, but from reading a story in my English book while I was still a kid in primary school.
The story contains a vivid description of what a mermaid is and what it looks like, with several pictures of different mermaids. It made me believe mermaids were both fish and, at the same time, humans; while they lived in water, they could also survive outside it, living among us like every other human being. They were more like a hybrid of both humans and sea life.
At first, I was unable to sleep at night, and the sight of fish would scare me to death, making me hate the smell of fish as well. My mother noticed that I would refuse to eat the food at home whenever it was cooked with fish, and she wondered why. Whenever she asked me about it, I would say I was not hungry or that I would eat later, but when a different meal was available, my mother saw me eat it heartily, indicating that I was very hungry.
As I became older, the childhood belief I had regarding the existence of mermaids living amongst us gradually wore off; my reasoning became more mature, and I understood better that there was nothing dangerous about a fish or the existence of mermaids, especially since the idea that they lived amongst us became clearly untrue in a logical sense.
I was no longer afraid of fish, and I became free from the emotional exhaustion of the idea of mermaids, although I still couldn’t eat fish because my mind had built a shield that had made it impossible for me to eat fish, especially when it was fresh.
The turning point came when I went out with some friends to a spot to relax, and the only food available was dried fish pepper soup. Before then, if I tried to eat fish at any point, I usually threw up, but that very day, I ate as much fish as my stomach could take, and I didn’t throw up. Today, I’m able to eat fish when it is completely dried, either by smoking or by frying, without throwing up at the end.
Facing our fears requires a conscious effort. I stopped refusing to eat fish and will ask for fish whenever I go out to eat. I discovered that it was all in my mind, and the only thing that could make me change was to make a decision and take the bold step.
My name is @rishagamo, and this is my response to the Hive Learner's Weekly featured prompt, week 234 episode 02, titled "FEAR"
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