I recall a holiday visit from my sister's friend many years ago. Since she was a student at the time and couldn't travel back to Lagos for the short break, she stayed with us for a week. During the week she stayed with us, my ears didn't rest
Every single minute of every hour, she was on a video call with her partner, giving him live updates on everything going on in her life and our lives by extension. “Okay, we want to make breakfast now.” “We just ran out of onions and Wongi wants to grab some from the market”. I don't know if the video calls continued when she was having a bath because I never really ventured into the guest room. What I do know is that the “call time reading” of the phone calls usually read in hours.
The day I saw 21 hours I screamed! My first question was “which network service are you using” and she said Glo. That time, Glo users usually got so many bonuses, hence the ability to make endless voice and video calls. But the real question I wanted to ask, which I never got around to asking was, are you both jobless? I can understand the girl was on break but the guy? Not that it was any of my business but at that point, I said to myself “If this is how an ideal digital relationship is then I would fail woefully at it”. Because what do you mean I have to inform you before and after taking a dump? Do I also tell you when I'm flossing my teeth?
Eventually, I came to an understanding that it doesn't have to be that way. One doesn't have to spend countless hours on a voice call or a video call talking about everything and nothing for a digital relationship to work. However, there are many important actions that need to be carried out for it to work. Below, I highlight a few of them.
Genuine Communication
There's a huge difference between talking and communicating. One can be having a dialogue with another individual but they aren't communicating. This entails regular check-ins, vulnerability when discussing, thoughtfulness and mindfulness.
Every thing that strikes an emotion within can be shared with a partner; you just saw a sad movie? share. You witnessed a fight on your way to work? Share. The partner on the other hand should be receptive to these conversations and not just write them off. Even when the partner may not have had an equally eventful day, a full-fledged conversation can still brew from tiny details. This leads me to the next thing,
Emotional Intelligence and Attentiveness
I am marveled when people who are having a conversation online cannot sense a change in the other user’s tone. Sensing even the slightest of changes is pertinent, especially in digital relationships. Partners should be able to acknowledge and understand each other's feelings even in a digital setting. This works best when one or both of the partners aren't really expressive people. Maybe they do not want to bother you or maybe they believe that they can handle it but the fact that their partner can sense a change in their demeanor speaks volumes. It shows they have an attentive partner who is always looking out for them
Shared Values and Mutual Respect
Distance is not a barrier unless we make it so. The mere fact that both individuals are miles away from each other doesn't mean they can't have and uphold shared values and interests. Partners can connect over hobbies, common passion and values like honesty, openness, loyalty.
The idea of not doing what you wouldn't want your partner to do to you also falls in here. This is basically mutual respect. Questions like “Would my partner be comfortable with me doing this?” ought to be asked. If not, then you probably shouldn't be doing that. It's a partnership after all.
Trust
One has to have a degree of trust and faith in their partner to be willing to do a long distance relationship with them. If there is no trust then there would always be the case of looking for problems where there is none. This can also manifest as jealousy which builds up over time and eventually culminates in a team up. This is why it is important to deal with the little cracks in the walls of a relationship through communication.
Having an ideal relationship, whether virtual or physical encompasses a whole lot but some of the major building blocks I believe hold a virtual relationship together are the above highlighted ones.
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LIEBE🤍
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